I have never saw violence chart at CL at 01.15 EST onward on my life. Last stand I lost more than -$1500 from +$320. I just don't know when to quit. I kept telling to myself, don't stop, don't stop, the last trade will fly, just hang on to it. And it never happened until I lost everything. Each side the same, my bias told me to short, I calculated it might cost me $700 to $1000.
The bottom in my life never came to an end. No I dig a deeper hole for my own grave. This is by far the worst feeling of my entire trading. I just don't understand. Friday, I could made green...operator error stopped me out on everything. Now Monday, I should stopped. But everything was in ruin.
I worked so hard to make a system that very good. It worked very nice today. I just keep sabotage myself. Why did I do that? Why misfortune came to me over and over again? Why? Why? Why can I just enjoy the day after good trade? Why can I just have a blackout after I had profit? Why should I have to experience this violence chopped? Why? Why?
For me trading now's like one hellish adventure. Honestly I don't know how to cover back my losses. It's too big damn big. I still have confidence with my newly system. But at best it only produced $200-$300 per day on my confort level. I need more than that. Why trading 's very hard?
The pain for me unmeasurable. How many thousands of hours I spent for this damnation? I worked everyday to do my best. I worked so hard to make this happened. But one tiny mistakes, resume trading at 01.30 EST bring me disaster. I should quit trading after reached the $500 losses or 5 losses in a row. But after I stopped, what if the price move on my way? It happened all the time. I can't stand it.
Really painful, really pissed off, really angry. The first two trades today, I was already losed $189, what a joke. Then I climbed up to $330 at max before going down to deep hell.
I know exactly what scenario tomorrow. Either I booked early $200 profit than quit for the day, grinding day after day waiting my unavoidable doomsday like today or stop after losing another $300 which is very easy to do and feeling like want to kill myself, or go to direct hell wiped out all my tiny account in one day. Each ways is no better. I can't believe myself to ride the profit run.
But it's true that I never experienced this brutal violence of whipsawed without any movement at all on CL...The most brutal things I have ever expereinced. If I just stopped trading and be happy with my small profit. If I just stopped trading after I losed one or two times, If...if..if..., nothing really matter...
So, it's settled. Here's what I will do this day onward (Keep telling this over and over again and yet never make it right):
1. Still doing my system, the bias system with discipline.
2. If reached minimum $300 profit realized and want to continued then max losses of the day will be $0, no question asked.
3. If losses reached $500(normal slippage is tolerated) , stop trading, no question asked.
4. I will honest with my result.
5. Will post my trading result in this blog.
HERE'S THE DEAL!!!!
IF I VIOLATE EVEN ONE RULE ABOVE, I WILL QUIT TRADING FOREVER. I WILL STOP LOOKING AT CHART, I WILL RETIRE IN THIS BUSINESS FOR GOOD.
"MAY GOD AND MY FELLOW READER AND BLOGGER BE MY WITNESS"
Please, remind me if I broke those rules. I already tired of this trading activity. I might as well be a mindless robot trading and losed all my money now. It took some days to wiped out all my capital.
Now I kept trading to the death of my account. No expectation, No hopes, No dreams, just mindless drone trader. Whatever the result, I don't really care. I don't care about my emotion, I don't care if I lose 10 days in a row, I don't care if I don't make any money after one month of trading. I don't care if I failed, Don't care if I lost all my account doing this, Don't want to think about new strategy again, I am tired of researching and backtesting with negative result. Let it be my mediocre system with my mindless drone Trading Management. Now I am just emotionless trader, operated mechanically until I met my doom.
To be honest, I am tired of this shit. So exhausting with no result. Emotionally not healthy. Now I just become a robot, like...Oh I lost $500 already, done for the day. Or, oh my profit from $300 now gone to $0, done for the day. No more thinking like if you stop you missed the move...stop now you'll regret it, or doing wishful thinking like..oh if I put the last trade, I may made a fortune.
I DON'T CARE IF AFTER I STOPPED THE PRICE MOVED $10.000,- IF IT STOPPED,IT MEANS STOPPED. NO REGRET, NO FEELING, NO EMOTION.
I know my new system is still premature with lack of backtesting. Well, I don't care. I am tired of looking of new strategy, new indicator, etc.
I lost hope with all my trading activity. No more expectation for a better living....no dreams of having a good income from trading....get rid desire of trading anywhere around the globe. No Hope, No Fear, No Greed. No afraid thinking what happened if I lose 5 days in a row. No planned to change strategy for better trades or avoid more losing. Nothing, No faith, No confidence, No regret. I am Nothing, Nothing inside me. No Emotion, No thinking, No second guessing, No more desire to become a great trader, Nothing, Zero, Blank. I am just Nothing, No Love of Trading, No adrenaline, Nothing. No more hardwork after market, No excitement, No scare of losing, No scare of profit, Nothing.
I attached too much in trading. I loved market too much...It doesn't love me, why should I loved it? Trading is nothing than an unemotional activity. I didn't care if your parent die today. Don't care if you lost your legs from accident. So why should I care? No sympathy or empathy.
I am nothing, no exist, no burden, no future, no past. No plan with the money I'll made from trading, nothing. Money is money. No happiness, No sadness, No frustration, No revenge, No attachment, Nothing...
No better, no worse, no laugh, no cry, No worries, Nothing...
The bottom in my life never came to an end. No I dig a deeper hole for my own grave. This is by far the worst feeling of my entire trading. I just don't understand. Friday, I could made green...operator error stopped me out on everything. Now Monday, I should stopped. But everything was in ruin.
I worked so hard to make a system that very good. It worked very nice today. I just keep sabotage myself. Why did I do that? Why misfortune came to me over and over again? Why? Why? Why can I just enjoy the day after good trade? Why can I just have a blackout after I had profit? Why should I have to experience this violence chopped? Why? Why?
For me trading now's like one hellish adventure. Honestly I don't know how to cover back my losses. It's too big damn big. I still have confidence with my newly system. But at best it only produced $200-$300 per day on my confort level. I need more than that. Why trading 's very hard?
The pain for me unmeasurable. How many thousands of hours I spent for this damnation? I worked everyday to do my best. I worked so hard to make this happened. But one tiny mistakes, resume trading at 01.30 EST bring me disaster. I should quit trading after reached the $500 losses or 5 losses in a row. But after I stopped, what if the price move on my way? It happened all the time. I can't stand it.
Really painful, really pissed off, really angry. The first two trades today, I was already losed $189, what a joke. Then I climbed up to $330 at max before going down to deep hell.
I know exactly what scenario tomorrow. Either I booked early $200 profit than quit for the day, grinding day after day waiting my unavoidable doomsday like today or stop after losing another $300 which is very easy to do and feeling like want to kill myself, or go to direct hell wiped out all my tiny account in one day. Each ways is no better. I can't believe myself to ride the profit run.
But it's true that I never experienced this brutal violence of whipsawed without any movement at all on CL...The most brutal things I have ever expereinced. If I just stopped trading and be happy with my small profit. If I just stopped trading after I losed one or two times, If...if..if..., nothing really matter...
So, it's settled. Here's what I will do this day onward (Keep telling this over and over again and yet never make it right):
1. Still doing my system, the bias system with discipline.
2. If reached minimum $300 profit realized and want to continued then max losses of the day will be $0, no question asked.
3. If losses reached $500(normal slippage is tolerated) , stop trading, no question asked.
4. I will honest with my result.
5. Will post my trading result in this blog.
HERE'S THE DEAL!!!!
IF I VIOLATE EVEN ONE RULE ABOVE, I WILL QUIT TRADING FOREVER. I WILL STOP LOOKING AT CHART, I WILL RETIRE IN THIS BUSINESS FOR GOOD.
"MAY GOD AND MY FELLOW READER AND BLOGGER BE MY WITNESS"
Please, remind me if I broke those rules. I already tired of this trading activity. I might as well be a mindless robot trading and losed all my money now. It took some days to wiped out all my capital.
Now I kept trading to the death of my account. No expectation, No hopes, No dreams, just mindless drone trader. Whatever the result, I don't really care. I don't care about my emotion, I don't care if I lose 10 days in a row, I don't care if I don't make any money after one month of trading. I don't care if I failed, Don't care if I lost all my account doing this, Don't want to think about new strategy again, I am tired of researching and backtesting with negative result. Let it be my mediocre system with my mindless drone Trading Management. Now I am just emotionless trader, operated mechanically until I met my doom.
To be honest, I am tired of this shit. So exhausting with no result. Emotionally not healthy. Now I just become a robot, like...Oh I lost $500 already, done for the day. Or, oh my profit from $300 now gone to $0, done for the day. No more thinking like if you stop you missed the move...stop now you'll regret it, or doing wishful thinking like..oh if I put the last trade, I may made a fortune.
I DON'T CARE IF AFTER I STOPPED THE PRICE MOVED $10.000,- IF IT STOPPED,IT MEANS STOPPED. NO REGRET, NO FEELING, NO EMOTION.
I know my new system is still premature with lack of backtesting. Well, I don't care. I am tired of looking of new strategy, new indicator, etc.
I lost hope with all my trading activity. No more expectation for a better living....no dreams of having a good income from trading....get rid desire of trading anywhere around the globe. No Hope, No Fear, No Greed. No afraid thinking what happened if I lose 5 days in a row. No planned to change strategy for better trades or avoid more losing. Nothing, No faith, No confidence, No regret. I am Nothing, Nothing inside me. No Emotion, No thinking, No second guessing, No more desire to become a great trader, Nothing, Zero, Blank. I am just Nothing, No Love of Trading, No adrenaline, Nothing. No more hardwork after market, No excitement, No scare of losing, No scare of profit, Nothing.
I attached too much in trading. I loved market too much...It doesn't love me, why should I loved it? Trading is nothing than an unemotional activity. I didn't care if your parent die today. Don't care if you lost your legs from accident. So why should I care? No sympathy or empathy.
I am nothing, no exist, no burden, no future, no past. No plan with the money I'll made from trading, nothing. Money is money. No happiness, No sadness, No frustration, No revenge, No attachment, Nothing...
No better, no worse, no laugh, no cry, No worries, Nothing...
Just my system, trade, execution, result. Either it's -$500, profit, or zero.
I'm sorry for your pain.
ReplyDeleteDon't make promises to yourself that you can't keep just to feel better now when you feel so bad because of your losses. You are unrealistic and emotional right now. So it's not good time for making decisions. Those decisions doesn't mean a thing.
As I said before I believe your as you call it misfortune is here because you try to get back all losses in your account so far. As you say you need more then 200-300$ a day. Why is that? I bet it's to cover losses, not that you really need them. So it's just your ego, you can't look at money that you lost and is missing in your account so you push it. 200-300$ days doesn't satisfy you any more. With that losses can't be recouped quick enough in your opinion.
Now it will come tomorrow you will rush in again into trading or building new best system. It's like it's impossible for you to just sit and watch all day and do no trades. You need to think about yourself and not about new system or next profit. Think about your emotions. Your systems are all good but the trader trading them isn't. So why don't you address real problem. You just reinvent systems, like it will solve your emotions.
But you don't want to hear that, or think about that. You will say thanks @FX and go on in your craziness.
Now just answer me would you give your money to somebody else who is so emotional right now like you are, to go and trade it for you? Or would you say no thanks that person right now isn't balanced and no way I'm giving him my money.
By the way you wrote, I noticed that you are tired DT..when you are tired, everything haywire, energy level and concentration is low....We are just humans...You're a good trader (but a tired one). What you need is an anchor your tired emotion into a good trading zone. Learn this proven technique...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.trans4mind.com/personal_development/mindMastery/anchoring.htm
I agree with FX on many points, especially the point about making promises that are not possible to be kept. You would be only setting your self up for more disappointment when you break it. I’m not aware of your account size, but you should never risk more than 2-5% on any given trade (focus less on profits more on preservation). The more I trade and look at the markets, I am convinced it is not so much how many indicators I use or my method... a method is just an edge, trading more about managing risk and taking profits.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered trading other charts such as the Dow, S&P, NASDAQ… stocks? Crude oil right now is an extremely volatile commodity to trade; it’s in the news now 24hrs a day. I believe you have the skill and the determination to trade well if you apply your method to the right setups and take pride in money management. If you try to force your trades, it will be a recipe for ruining your account and mental wellbeing. Check out my post “Market Control” at trincafe.blogspot.com
Sleep well,
Duane
Hi FX,
ReplyDeleteReally aprreciate your time.I just added my posts here but I'll will tell you here. I'm done with searching the new system for the rest of my entire trading career. I'll use my current system right now. About cover my losses, I did it almost everyday. These last 3 trading days, I was physically tired. Now it's time to give up. I'll stake my trading career.
About my rules, it's not forever. But the core is forever. I'll stop trading after consequtive losses. If I don't do it now, I won't survive this profession. No matter how much money I had, daily max limit losses is important.
I am emotional now, but this is the moment. My trading career is at stake. I just followed the system now. Stop trading if it's reach max losses. What's so hard bout it? It's like stop playing video games after died 5 times. I'll stick to my system, like all these days. You may see me having string of daily max losses. But I don't care. No more sophiscated minds. I'm done. I am ready for losing. But this time, I am not ready for unlimited losses.
If u saw my last update post, u see that's how i solved my emotion. I just get rid of it entirely. I'll become non human when trading. I'll become computer, trade the system, stop after max losses.
What do u think?
Thanks TST,
ReplyDeleteI will take a look. I am tired, bored, and worthless. Now I just change myself to robot everytime I trade. Keep the rules.
Hi Duane,
ReplyDeleteI just not yet identify my rules bout money management. Max daily losses is a must. If I can't keep my promise now, then I'll busted sooner or later. Yes, bout CL it's very volatile. Anything can happened in this CL, so I limit my daily max losses. Don't care if it move $10000 right after I quit.
About other instruments like NQ,ES,TF. I tried it all. it's not like I don't like it. IMO it's sucks. Yes, it's good right now. But in no time it's back to his deep slumber sleep, chopped sideways for weeks or months. I am a breakout trader. I am not a fade trader or counter trend, or a pullback trader. Impossible trading Emini with breakout trading.
My system worked good really. I just don't know how to quit trading it.
I think the downturn like this is necessary. I mean, if I don't have this moment, someday I'll bust my account again. Like a time bomb. It's better do it now. The rules, I don't care if I losed money. In fact I'm ready to lose all my account now. If my system is a failure, let it be. I'm done trading. I don't really care how much money I'll make daily now. I just follow my rules, and hopefully have my daily max losses early so I can rest.
I am tired of hoping the profit..profit..profit..Hate that. Now I want to lose money. No use to focus on profit. Focus on losses. It's like how can I fullfilled the max daily losses. Yes, now I just want to lose. I'm tired want to profit with no result.
There's two ways to finish this misery, break the rules or wipe out my capital.
I am struggling right now too. It's really tough to have a good setup not work, but no setup is 100%. So, sometimes we break our rules so that when we lose, we can say "I only lost because I broke my rules--if I had followed my rules I would have won." But then when you follow your rules and the market doesn't give you what you want, there is even more frustration than the frustration of breaking rules.
ReplyDeleteI personally find it painful to stick to my rules, especially when I avoid entering a position because it isn't exactly right but it would have been very profitable.
The only solution is to focus on the process. Don't focus on the tick count or the profit/loss, only focus on if you are executing how you know you should be. If you execute properly, then you will see profit.
Thanks Mark,
ReplyDeleteRules and experience played part. Unfortunately my experience tricked me. Never saw a violence ripsaw like CL did on 01.30 EST onward. It's really painful to see it. But it's over now. I made my turning point. I don't know if my system is good or not, but I'll stick it with -$500 max losses. Don't really care if I profit or loss that day. I really care if I can stick to my rules.
You're right, I changed my objective now. Mine from make profit now to following the rules. I don't care about the result even if I wiped out all my account because of it.
On the weekend I started to leave a comment when you seemed to think you had it all figured out. "If X does this the Y will do this line of thinking". This will end badly I thought to myself because the markets are not logical. I erased my comment instead.
ReplyDeleteBut here is what I was going to tell you - "Stop Trading".
From the outside looking in you seem to have no plan, no edge, no money management skills, no emotional control. That all adds up trading disaster. Stop while you still have something left. Regroup. Observe. Reflect. Be honest with yourself. Take time away. Never be in a hurry to be successful at trading. There will still be many more 1000s of opportunities than you can grab next week, month or year.
The further you continue on in your self destructive emotional state the harder it will be to change over to the winning traders side.
I have no objections to your plans what will you do, how will you trade, what is your technique, what is your daily risk management etc.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that you are ignoring again and again is your emotional state. Every commentator here is mentioned that, your emotions.
Who you are right now regarding trading and not what will you do.
Just put it in the other words, would you let brain surgeon in your state of mind to operate on you, even if he knows all the techniques. You can't erase emotions, be a drone. So why you even put that in the consideration.
"NO REGRET, NO FEELING, NO EMOTION." you can't declare something like that on yourself. It's false and untruthful. Just as you can't declare that fire isn't hot for you. Declare that and put your hand in it, so you will see how much declarations have meaning.
You are ignoring that you are emotional human being, and that on that inner world you have to work. Not on trading methods.
Read a book by Mark Douglas - Trading in the zone or better Disciplined trader.
Brett Steenbarger - The Psychology of Trading.
Your NO EMOTIONS statements in the end of your updated post are simply unrealistic. Ignoring reality, just because you don't have solution for it. Well it's not going to help.
regards my trading friend
Thanks for coming Scott,
ReplyDeleteI know market is not logical. I know my edge won't be right everytime. I just know it. It's just for me. My mind need reason why I don't short, why I don't long in this area. It had to be a strong reason to do that. The strong reason came from backtesting historical data. I doesn't have to make sense. But as long my brain accept it, it'll be fine. 40 days worth of data is not enough I know. But at least I can make my boundaries. I just trade the triangle breakout. But I can trade every breakout happened right? So I need a catalyst. Monday should start good with decent profit.
About stop trading, I will stop trading. But sorry, not now. Maybe u think I will go to the pit of disaster. Let it be, I have nothing left in me anyway.
FX,
ReplyDeleteI know u tell me I am not emotionally stable, and u're right 100%. I just want to apply the NO EMOTION on trading. Other things will do normal. But looked at those HFT program, do they have emotion? NO! Do they profitable? YES! maybe you google the FXMOVE and looked for yourself their result. They used algo-robot and make profit almost every month. Do robot have emotion? NO! Looked at MBAGearhead doing until now. It's mechanical trading.
I am not saying emotion is bad or good. It's just my emotion never give me good result. So it's bad emotion. I don't intend to robo trading since crude oil move very fast.
I have no solution for control my emotion. So I don't need to control it. Just limiting it. No trade after max daily loss reached. What worse can be done?
I'm sorry if I was harsh. But for me it's essential step. If I can handle myself in tough situation, then higher probabiltiy I can handle it in much better situation.
And what kinf of trader that didn't have max daily losses? You have it too FX. I don't have it. I want to have it but I ignore it. Now ignarence is no more.
Wow, you are a mess aren't you? Your blog has become very dramatic and I don't doubt you are feeling exactly what you are writing. I agree with most everyone's comments that you need to get your emotions in check to succeed. How you do that? Sorry but that answer lies only within you to figure out. Wish I could help. But either way, trading is not worth severe depression or worse. I don't like to read these things in your posts and hope you seek professional help if you really feel these things.
ReplyDeleteMBA,
ReplyDeleteU're right, I'm in deep mess. Don't know how I will recover. Thanks for the advice.